Nats Power Rankings: April 17

Welcome to the first in a series, in which we review the previous week in Nationals baseball and power rank the players according to their performance. This is an extremely unserious exercise; at no point should it ever be confused with actual baseball analysis. Don’t worry, I will do my best to make sure that is obvious. Without further ado: your Washington Nationals, ranked according to power.

1. Bryce Harper. Bryce began the week with a monster game in the Pythagorean booster win against St Louis (4-for-4, 3 RBI, 2 R), and ended it with a walkoff against the dreaded Phillies. In between he scored the game-winning run on a mad dash from first, complete with signature helmet removal and flowing locks. I’ll probably bump Bryce up in the rankings two spots every week for his luxurious salad alone, regardless of performance.

2. Daniel Murphy. Got a bobblehead, got a walkoff double, got a 5-RBI night. Just another week at the office for Danny Hits Murphy.

3. Gio Gonzalez. Went 7 strong on Tuesday in a win against the Cards, striking out 6 and allowing 2 runs; he followed that up on Sunday by taking a gem into the 8th against the Phillies, where he gave up his second and third runs of the day and ended up with the no-decision. There’s some regression coming here: Gio has only walked 4 batters in 20 ⅓ innings, which is well below his career rate; he also has not faced any truly dangerous lineups yet. That doesn’t take away from a week with two great starts, so credit where it is due to our problematic fave.

4. Adam Eaton. The Mighty Mouse. The Sparkplug. Spanky. I dunno what we’re calling him, but it doesn’t matter the way he produces. Trea Turner’s injury forced Dusty Baker to use Eaton in the leadoff slot, which seems like one of those good problems to have. Eaton does not have Turner’s electrifying speed, but he has top-notch on-base skills and an uncanny ability to create offense. He also finally got a chance to show off his famous hose to his new fans.

5. Tanner Roark. Two starts this week for American Hero Tanner Roark, who submitted an average start against the Cardinals but was backed up by a 14-run explosion, then took a no-decision after twirling a 7 inning gem against the Phils. Pitcher wins are stupid. His gem came with his first start of the season throwing to Jose Lobaton rather than Matt Wieters, which supports my pet theory: Loby should be a personal catcher for Roark this season. Lobaton’s superior receiving skills will work wonders for Roark, who relies heavily on working both sides of the plate, stealing strikes, and painting corners.

6. Walkoffs. Two in three days! Both against the Phillies! Bryce involved in both! Weird ground hugs! Walkoffs are fun for the whole family, unless you’re a reliever for the Phillies.

7. Matt Wieters. Seems like every Wieters plate appearance has two potential endings: either he reaches base or grounds into a double play. Luckily the former is far outweighing the latter, as another hot week for the backstop has him running an unsustainable 177 wRC+ for the 2017 season. Not a bad April for a spring bargain bin pickup.

8. Stephen Strasburg. Only made one start this week, but for the third time this season Strasburg shoved. His beard is longer, and his delivery is shorter. His stuff is still crisp despite working exclusively from the stretch, and the results are undeniable. I’ve been particularly impressed with his emotional growth: he seems more durable and more mature than we have ever seen from the former phenom.

9. Shawn Kelley. Remarkably, a bullpen pitcher sneaks into the powerful rankings. And no, it’s not because of his two pitcher wins, as he was the pitcher of note for both walkoff wins. It’s because Kelley is the first reliever to have stabilized after the rocky start. Kelley appeared in four games this week, and allowed only one run: a meaningless solo shot to Jedd Gyorko in Monday’s blowout win. Kelley sports swing-and-miss stuff and is clearly the best reliever on the team, and should be used accordingly.

10. Ryan Zimmerman. The face of the franchise is too notoriously streaky and injury-prone for me to extropolate the hot start over a potential 162-game season, but we can enjoy the ride for now. Zimmerman raked in the St Louis series, tattooing Cardinals pitchers for six hits before cooling down over the weekend. Will he run a .407 BABIP all season? Uh, no. Is it fun to party like it’s 2009?  Hell yeah.

Missed the cut: Anthony Rendon, Daniel Murphy Bobblehead Doll, weird double plays, shortstops, hamstrings, shortstops’ hamstrings, Max Scherzer, relief pitchers, Stephen Drew

Tags: Adam Eaton, Bryce Harper, Daniel Murphy, Gio Gonzalez, Matt Wieters, Nationals, Nats, Ryan Zimmerman, Shawn Kelley, Stephen Strasburg, Tanner Roark, Washington Nationals