Welcome back to the latest in a series, in which we review the previous week in Nationals baseball and power rank the players according to their performance. This is an extremely unserious exercise; at no point should it ever be confused with actual baseball analysis. Don’t worry, I will do my best to make sure that is obvious. Without further ado: your Washington Nationals, ranked according to power.
That was a tough week to be a Nats fan. Bryce Harper and Ryan Zimmerman hit like mere mortals, the starting pitchers not named Strasburg were average, and the bullpen continued to enter competitive baseball games and turn them into laughers. Mike Rizzo’s stars-and-scrubs approach to roster construction gave us a forgettable week of scrub moments.
It is important to keep some perspective, here: We are still just fans of a dumb team playing a dumb game. And for the last half-decade, this dumb team has made many more deposits than withdrawals. While the Nats dropped four out of six games this week — bookended by a pair of sterling Strasburg starts — we still got to watch Bryce Harper terrorize the batter’s box, Jayson Werth do Jayson Werth things, Trea Turner’s boundless energy, a fully-realized Stephen Strasburg, and Daniel Murphy teach a nightly hitting clinic.
That said, the team’s overall brilliance has waned since a supernova April, and the invested viewer might suffer a bout of heartburn picking through the negative results just for the moments of individual baseballing genius. Sometimes, for one’s own sanity, it is important to take a short break from being invested in the marathon of a baseball season. The Nationals have made many, many deposits in our emotional bank account —Strasburg’s debut, Bryce’s walkoffs, Scherzer’s historic efforts, Game 4, etc — and have made three sizeable withdrawals in recent Octobers. It is still too early in the season to start scrutinizing the balance sheet; we need to store up some funds for the high-stakes games September and October will hold.
A savvy move might be to step away from watching the team — and specifically, the bullpen — for a night, a series, or a roadtrip to ensure a healthy transactional relationship with the Washington nine. Spend some time with loved ones; finish that Netflix series you’ve fallen behind on since the beginning of April. If that is not enough, here are a few ideas to fill some time if you feel abandoned by the recent Nationals results; these pursuits are ranked, as usual, according to power.
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Relive some Nats classics. During a rain delay, the television broadcast will often fill the time replaying a memorable game from the team’s archives. Why not create your own week-long rain delay? MLB.TV still has every game from the last two seasons available. Scherzer’s no-hitters. 20 K games. Daniel Murphy obliterating Mets pitchers. Jayson Werth in Philly. Fall down a youtube hole of Strasburg debut fan videos. Every Nats game is a victory when you get to choose the game.
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Or do the opposite. Sick of being mad at Shawn Kelley? Let’s get fired up over Jose Tabata again! Oliver Perez doesn’t seem so bad now if you can keep your eyeballs open long enough to rewatch Drew Storen pitching to Pete Kozma or Pablo Sandoval or Yoenis Cespedes or oh my god please skip this one why did I think of this.
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Watch a kaiju movie. The only genre of movie I like is big lizards destroying cities. If there’s no big lizard I’m out. So why not sit back and enjoy a few hours of something terrible swiftly ruining something beautiful? Something that has been built and planned and meticulously crafted over a period of time, spectacularly undone in moments by a ruinous force. Too on the nose?
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Touch the Orb.
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Research Nationals prospects. Read up on some bright talents like Victor Robles, a precocious outfielder who draws comparisons to Andrew McCutchen. Erick Fedde, a power righty coming back from Tommy John surgery who should see time in the Nats bullpen this season reminds of Jordan Zimmermann. Juan Soto, the hitting prodigy. Carter Kieboom, the toolsy shortstop. Learn about their games and their projections, so you’ll have some knowledge to share when they all become property of the Chicago White Sox or Kansas City Royals at the trade deadline.
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Write for The Nats Blog! Channel all that frustration into these electronic pages. Handy with FanGraphs sorting? Know how to embed tweets? Got some good zings for the Slack channel? Sign up!
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Interview Gregg Popovich. When faced with the choice of watching Matt Albers attempt to hold a lead in a high-leverage situation or ask cliche questions on national television to the notoriously cranky head coach of the San Antonio Spurs, I think I’m going with the latter. How are you going to stop Kevin Durant, Coach, here in the second half? Please don’t hurt me.
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Watch Rogue One: A Star Wars Story. Hey, at least this mismatched band of hastily assembled characters seemingly in over their head managed to overcome all obstacles and achieve their goals.
Missed the cut: watch the Washington Capitals Playoffs Greatest Hits, work for Braves grounds crew, hit against Stephen Strasburg, pitch to Dansby Swanson, accrue life-ruining amounts of student debt, daydream about the Wizards winning a second-round series
A note: due to professional obligations the Washington Nationals Power Rankings will be taking a two-week hiatus. See y’all in June.
Tags: Bryce Harper, Carter Kieboom, Erick Fedde, Juan Soto, Nationals, Nats, Power Rankings, Stephen Strasburg, Victor Robles, Washington Nationals
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