Bryce Harper got his hair done in Miami, posted a picture of it on his Instagram story, and the entire internet has decided this means another year without a Nats NLCS appearance. And I mean, maybe they’re not wrong.
Truly, what kind of white nonsense is this, Bryce? We knew, thanks to the power of Twitter, that Bryce Harper was losing his mind on the DL. But further proof has been given.
The problem isn’t really with cornrows. His icy blonde hairdo of 2015 wasn’t even as bad as this. The problem is white people in cornrows. Here’s a google search for cultural appropriation if you’re curious about why. If nothing else, think of the hair flips.
Harper was shown by MASN cameras pregame, throwing for the first time since landing on the DL with a knee contusion. His hair was still long and flowing when he was shown, so he must have made his trip to the barber’s chair not long after.
Hugo ‘Juice’ Tandron, the Marlins official barber, is almost as big of a staple at Marlins Park as the home run sculpture. Harper and other Nationals have expressed excitement for his skills before. Tandron posted David Ortiz in his chair as early as Friday. But it’s not yet clear that he’s the mastermind behind Harper’s, uh, work.
Searching google for the phrase “This ain’t no middle of the mall” turns up quite a bit of rapper Riff Raff related links. Which, makes sense, since he’s was once most popular among white 16-year-olds.
Somebody come get their man.
Tags: Bryce Harper, Hair, Nationals, Nats, Washington Nationals